I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
