I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
