There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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