let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
