Someone shit on the floor
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
