Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize