i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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