forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
