Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize