i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
