i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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