Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
