Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
