come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
