When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
