She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize