i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
