You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
