The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
