so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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