Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she was so not down for the gang bang
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
