I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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