Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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