There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
