At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
