yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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