Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
