worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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