Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
