marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
