he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
