Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
