Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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