everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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