I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize