i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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