My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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