Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
