soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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