We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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