so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
