Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
