why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
