First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
