i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
