Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
