Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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