started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
