I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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