I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
