I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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