I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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