there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
