My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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