i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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