Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
COCAINE IS GR8
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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