Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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