non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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