It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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