So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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