at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
