I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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