how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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