Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
