hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
