we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
