The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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