you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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