Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i drank out of a bidet.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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