idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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